Dad of All Trades, Master of None

Domesticated, Not Demasculinized

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Pass the Salt

Posted by doatmon on July 30, 2009

So, I have this problem.

No, not that one.  That’s gross.

Different problem.  But an important one.  It involves fast food.  Sort of.

Let’s say I choose to go to Wendy’s.  I am very happy with a Coke, French fries and chicken nuggets.  I mean, who wouldn’t be?  They go together like, well, Coke, French fries and chicken nuggets.  But always hanging out there is the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger.

While a Coke, French Fries and chicken nuggets are a wonderful and satisfying meal that would make anyone happy, there are many that would argue the former just aren’t a complete meal without the latter.

To someone who cares about his, um, food as much as I do and thinks about his food with such obsessive intensity, there’s more to it though than simply whether I would LIKE a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger.  Who wouldn’t?  And it doesn’t have anything to do with simply adding another food item.  Sure, two may fit on one tray with the Coke while a triumvirate of tasty morsels might require a second tray.  And cost?  Sure, that’s a factor in this economy.  But who really cares about such logistics when putting together something as important and lasting as a meal?

No, to me, it’s more about what will happen with the existing meal as a whole and to each individual part of the meal.  The two fried foods pair so nicely and have grown together, almost as an unbreakable unit, in my mind.  French Fries and Chicken Nuggets.  Perfect combination.  What would throwing in a meaty addition do to their chemistry?

And what about the Coke?  Right now it’s just big enough to wash down and take care of the salty fried foods.  Would there be enough left to satisfy the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger as well?

And yet, despite that, I can’t help but feel like every time I take a long, refreshing sip of that Coke, it’s telling me it can handle more.  It’s telling me that carbonated creations such as itself are designed to handle more than simply two servings of deep-fried goodness.  And who am I to upset something as venerable and enjoyable as Coke?  I mean, for God’s sake, where would this meal be without the Coke?  I would quite simply be parched and unable to eat anything.

But what rights do I have in putting together this meal?  I know that there are many others that think the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger would fit perfectly.  I know what the Coke thinks.  But I also know my own fears of upsetting the balance of this gastronomic delight.  I know the fears others have when gazing upon my meal.  Is there room for another?  Why is this man allowing a Coke to even have a say for God’s sake?  How can this man AFFORD another?

But, I know damn well it’s none of their business.  You can’t look across the restaurant at someone else’s meal and know how it tastes to them.  Meals are so individualized.  For God’s sake, some people enjoy two drinks at the same time.  I was always intrigued at how THAT works.  But who am I to judge?

I just so desperately want the perfect meal, in perfect harmony.  And I want to be able to enjoy this meal for YEARS to come without even thinking the words fear or regret…angst or overwhelmed…destitute or disconnected.

Is it too late to become a Vegan?


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